Glimmers of Life

Posts Tagged ‘work

Well to be honest the job hunt began in earnest a month ago… but now it’s serious. Last week I was told I was being made redundant and this week it all becomes official. How do I feel? Fine…(ish).

It’s something I’d suspected, especially after the long off-site meeting the Directors had, and then nothing…. obviously the calm before the storm. I thought I’d feel a little free… a little relief, a little excited. I thought it might spur me on to come up with my own business idea – which I’ve been hoping for for a while now. Ever since I read an article about loads of mums starting businesses after spotting a gap in the market following the birth of their babies. But no…nothing has come of that seed.

So what now? Well I’ve been applying for jobs – I guess now I’ll be a little less selective. I’ve got in touch with the agencies – and they seem positive which keeps my spirits up.

The worst part is going into work and feeling a potent combination of embarrassment and pointlessness – because I still have to “work” my notice without really having any purpose. Why is that?

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You may be as new to this blog as I am so you may not have realised I’m a mum too. Recently I went for a job interview, two in fact as I managed to get through to the “final round” and as it happened I didn’t get selected – but all the way through the process it just made me wonder if going back to work full time is the right thing.

Now this topic is really not new, there are all sorts of forums and advice pieces about it. Ultimately I think the consensus is:

If you want to work full time, do it. A happy mum is a happy baby.

If you need to work full time, then do it and don’t feel guilty about it as you’re working towards a stable home.

If you don’t want to work – that’s fine too, and you needn’t feel guilty about that either – different strokes for different folks.

The thing I wrestle with though is that I don’t have any strong desire to work full time, we’re just about managing with me doing part time so there’s no immediate need either, and I don’t think I could be a stay at home mum, but I know that the current situation is just not working for me.

I mean the days I’m at home, I think I’m short changing my kid, is she really enjoying being pushed around town all day while I post things and pay bills? And on the days I’m at work I just feel a bit stuck – like I’m only doing enough to keep afloat rather than get going.

Honestly I’m not complaining about working part time, from what I’ve read elsewhere online other people would love just to have the option… I just need to find a way to make it fulfilling. Or maybe I should just go to work full time….

Hmmm….the one thing they don’t really tell you about when you become a mum is the continuous cocktail of guilt and worry you end up sipping everyday.